Tourists Falling Down the Great Wall of China

What better way to say good bye to the old year than a trek up the Great Wall of China, visits to Chinese factories and palaces, and a stunning Chinese acrobatic show? As a matter of fact, I have seen so much excitement today that I don't know if I will make it until midnight. A drink in the hotel bar with strangers would just be anti-climactic anyway, considering the fact that my lively sisters are already sleeping for the night.

We met up with our tour last night and made acquaintances with fellow whities --mostly Canucks-- over a traditional, but delicious, Chinese roast duck dinner.

We started today bright and early and saw some neat things such as Chinese factories where they make beautiful artifacts and carve jade. Also the Summer Palace, a massive and lavish summer home and grounds for the Chinese Emperors of old.

But the highlight was climbing the Great Wall of China. It is as magnificent as the pictures in books depict. It's an incredible artifact- 3000 years old, built by the Emperor's workers (read slaves), and apparently for every meter of the very long wall, one life was claimed while building it. About 60-70% of the wall is in ruins. It slithers up and down the mountains like a snake and is more than a wall; rather thick cement stairs with lookout towers sprinkled around.

It snowed here yesterday and the terrain was actually beautiful as the trees and wall were frosted with snow. The problem is that the steps to climb the wall are quite steep. Put on a layer of snow and ice, and it's danger zone. Add a zillion tourists and it's downright entertaining. If I learned a Chinese word for every person I saw fall on their ass on the trek either up or down, I'd be bilingual. I hesitated to laugh too hard thinking I might meet my own demise, but when I landed safely with no mishaps, I couldn't stop laughing at all the people I saw tumble and slip down the Great Wall of China. I know those of you who know my sadistic side would expect nothing less from me. But trust me, it was hilarious to see every sex and race and age fall on their ass, and hear the matching exclamations in different languages.


The only disappointment was that we couldn't see too far around us from the lookout towers. The Chinese government and media call it fog; our local tour guide who grew up here tells us it's actually smog. Yes, Chinese pollution prohibited us from seeing the wall clearly from the top of the mountains. There is a major pollution problem in Beijing and it's sad that it leaves a hazy cloud looming over the city. We've seen it on chilly winter days- I can't imagine what humid summer days would bring. That is the reason the pictures are a little fuzzy, which is too bad, but it shows how serious the pollution problem really is here.

The other highlight of the day was an entertaining Chinese acrobatic show. The Chinese invented acrobatics thousands of years ago, and tonight's show surpassed entertaining. It was downright shocking seeing what these people could do with the human body in terms of bending and balance. It was almost stressful at some points. Imagine seeing a guy stack 8 chairs about 40 feet in the air, and then doing a headstand on top of the chair with no wires or net as a safeguard. It was remarkable, but nerve racking as well. The show was spectacular. I haven't even seen stunts like this on TV. We're talking 12 girls riding a bicycle (all balancing on top of each other), men juggling Asian boys, ladies walking across each other's heads...with every stunt the show just got more and more surreal. It was amazing and very well done.

Have a happy new year everyone! I'm having the time of my life out here, but I do miss my amazing family and crazy friends. Hard to believe that a week from today I will be on a plane ride home. I'm not sure I'm ready to starting thinking of that quite yet...

"Fragrant String of Old Adopted Mother" for dinner, anyone?

We had the laugh of the trip when we first arrived in Beijing, and I doubt we'll be able to top it. Meaghan, who has lived in Asia for 6 months and travelled it extensively, testified that she has never seen anything so funny in Asia before.

Upon hotel check in, number one priority on the list is to eat. We’re starving.

Of course as we are new to China, we reckon that need to eat some authentic Chinese food. We see a restaurant across the street and decide to go in. We are greeted at the door as if we are local celebrities and about four Chinese servers giggle and gawk at us and lead us to a seat.

“English?” We ask, half resigned, noting complicated Chinese characters everywhere. By this time we had already learned that English is a rare commodity here. It’s barely popular in Thailand and Korea, but way more prominent than in China.

A server grins and puts up one finger as if to say, “I be right back.” Within minutes she proudly produces a special menu, and a quick glance shows us that there is English translation under the Chinese writing.

We heave a sigh of relief and begin to peruse the menu. Several servers wait for us at the table, which is slightly unnerving in itself. Soon we start to giggle discretely. Then we start to laugh and all discretion is thrown out the window. Within seconds we have completely lost it, and are splitting our sides at the table. The Chinese servers are waiting for us and exchange puzzled looks. Finally they too start to laugh, because what else can they do?

What is so funny? You ask. Check out a couple of the menu pages here to see their English translations: Menu 1 Menu 2. (For my technically challenged friends, after you click the link it should open a new window and you can zoom in if you need to with the magnifying glass. If it doesn't work, sorry. I was unable to test due to the crappy Internet connection here.)

We ordered 3 things that sounded half normal, and rice.

Dish number one was called something with chicken. It was cold and you can see a picture of it here. Anyone who knows me knows I have sharp taste buds, and not only will I eat anything, but love food many people hate: seafood, sushi, olives. Sure, the dish looked about as appealing as Michael Jackson’s face, but you can’t judge a book by its cover, right? I’ve never found a food that I really hate.

There’s a first time for everything. This dish made my blood curdle. I could barely swallow it. It tasted like old, slimy spam with sauerkraut, honey, and hot sauce. I tried it again, to give it a chance. But I almost puked. We still don’t know if it was a meat or a vegetable. For all I know it could have been dog. Obviously you can’t trust the English translations on the menu and if that was chicken, we’re going to die because that was one odd and unhealthy chicken.

Dish number two looked cabbagey. I popped a rolled cabbage in my mouth and choked and coughed. My eyes leaked like a broken canoe. My mouth was, once again, a blazing inferno. My nasals and sinuses were instantly cleared. My lovely sisters laughed very hard at me.

Dish number three was actually delicious. Sweet and sour pork, just like you might order at a Chinese restaurant back home, but the real deal. Thank God for small miracles.

If anyone wants a job in Beijing, English translation proofreading would be a great place to start.

Lost In Translation

Yesterday we arrived in Beijing, China! With every country we go to, the weather gets worse. Thailand: 30 degrees. Korea: 16 degrees. Beijing: subzero. Yes, Beijing is colder than Hilter’s heart, but we still love it and the weather will only create fun memories. We will just have to bundle up, grab a green tea to go, and walk fast.

We are staying in a ritzy Holiday Inn in downtown Beijing. Before you call us high maintenance, know that we’re part of an English tour here which was booked through a Korean travel agency. It’s a nice change from the hostels and “winging it” mentality in Thailand. And since Lynae and I have our own hotel room, and therefore beds, it’s a great respite from sleeping on the floor of Meaghan and Kevin’s cramped studio apartment. No kidding, the hotel rooms are probably bigger than their apartment, and they are just an average size. Since English here is about as common as ethnic food in Sarnia, we haven’t regretted our decision to join a tour. We are here for 2 days until the tour starts to have some fun on our own.

Last night we had the laugh of the trip, and I must share because I have a hunch my fellow English speaking Canadian friends will find it just as humorous as we did. However, I'll have to try to post it tomorrow because of our sketchy hotel Internet connection. I need to do some HTML jigging to deliver the punchline and am having a hard time uploading files. (I told the hotel the Internet was barely usable and they blamed it on an earthquake in Taiwan. Hmmm...)

Today we explored the city as we froze our asses off. Highlights included a ride in a pedicab (see picture above) through the hutangs (old alleys) of Beijing where the locals live. They cram 35 people into a little shack. It's sad, really. There is no heat to be found from what we could see; going into shops required the full winter gear. Even the tea shop we visited to warm up also lacked heat, ironically enough. The language barrier is exceptionally tough here. We said, "tea", made sipping motions with our hands, and she nodded with a smile. She brought back a substance that looked like murkey, watery milk and said in very broken English: "Butter tea with salt." We almost spewed it everywhere. Rancid milk would have probably tasted better. It was awful and we practically shot it just to get some warmth to our bones.

We visited a park which had old Chinese buildings surrounding a frozen lake. We were the only white people there, and it seemed like a local hangout where the middle aged Chinese could express themselves. They were all around taking ballroom dancing lessons, dancing to poor quality stereos, and singing into cheap microphones attached to blown amps (the dancing was cute, but the singing was on par with the butter tea with salt). Why they do this in such cold weather is a mystery to us, but they seemed to be having fun. Meaghan and Lynae and I decided to join in on some dancers and within minutes there were a swarm of spectators around, laughing, pointing, and taking pictures of us. They thought it was quited funny and we had a good laugh as well. We got a video- I'm going to try to post some videos when we get back to Korea.

We enjoyed our day immensely. Kevin played hockey with the locals on a frozen pond. We ate green bean turnovers at McDonalds (apple was not available, but the green bean filling was delicious). Kevin dressed up as a real Chinaman. We saw the old Beijing (poor and run down) and the new (like a mini Times Square). We admired the culture and neat buildings everywhere and marvelled at the complicated Chinese writing everywhere. How on earth can that be a language?!

China a different place again, and just as cool as the others. We're glad to be here and are looking forward to more adventures.

Noteworthy Incidents in Korea

We’ve just spent a couple relaxing days in Korea. To those of you who, for the past several months, have told me to slow down and stop working and playing so hard, you’ll be glad to know that I’ve done absolutely nothing for the last two days, and it feels great. I’ve slept, read, walked, watched movies, and gotten addicted to “Lost.” Slovenly behavior is wonderful in small doses. That’s what vacation is all about, right?

We head to Beijing tomorrow for more adventures, but there are a few noteworthy incidents that have happened in Korea.

Noteworthy Incident #1:
Committing a Korean Faux Pas

I was yelled at in Korean by my cab driver. Twice. And I wasn’t impressed, so I snipped back at him, in English of course. What a sight we must have been to passersby- a foreigner and local heatedly arguing in different languages.

You see, he drove up the side of the curb to let us out. I was on the side where traffic was whizzing by, and I cracked open my door. I didn’t flail it open to get the door decapitated by traffic- I just cracked it open so that when there was a pause in traffic I could calmly get out (the road was not that busy).

But my cab driver had a minor fit. He started gibbering at me in heated Korean, combined with excessive hand gestures.

“Don’t ever get out of a cab on the side of traffic,” Meaghan said, slightly rolling her eyes. “It’s really frowned upon here.” She apologized to the cab driver in Korean, and I apologized in English.

He backed the cab into their apartment complex driveway, and I got out. He got out. He started yelling at me again! I am only slightly embellishing here. Lynae will testify that he was giving me a piece of his mind in a loud voice. I can only imagine what he was saying: “You dumb blonde foreigner! You don’t do that in Korea! I’ll get sued from your side of the world when you get smoked by a car! You stupid white girl, go back to your own country!”

I was tired and in no mood to be yelled at in a language I didn’t understand, for an innocent mistake, so I replied in heated tones, “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know! It was a mistake. Mistake! I won’t do it again! We already apologized, anyway, so get over it.”

Finally we stopped gibbering at each other in unintelligible languages and moved on with our day.

I am becoming increasingly wary of foreign cab drivers.

Noteworthy Incident #2:
Staring at White Girls With No Shame

White girls are all around on TV and even in ads, but not so much on the streets of Busan, South Korea. So when we go out in public- especially the three of us together- it’s a peculiar sensation to be regarded with such interest and curiosity. There are those that openly stare, following us with their heads until they get neck strain. There are those that are subtle about it; when caught they quickly drop their eyes. Naïve children wave and yell, “hello!” from a distance. Men come up to us and shake our hands. Teenage girls giggle and make comments from the streets. It’s strange to think that we’re so foreign here, especially since in Canada we see all nationalities on a regular basis (ok, maybe not in Sarnia, but I digress).

Noteworthy Incident #3:
Walking Backwards

Busan is on the sea, and it’s gorgeous. There’s a nice waterfront that is very close to the apartment, and I enjoy walking it. The weather here is about 16 degrees. Yesterday I was walking and I noticed a man up ahead facing my way, but moving away from me. As I crept closer I realized he was walking backwards. He was in a suit, mid 30’s, and very deliberately walking the concrete line backwards to stay on course. Peculiar. Even more so when ½ hour later on my way back, I passed him again and he was still walking backwards. I won’t even try to analyze that one.

Noteworthy Incident #4
Language Barriers

You cannot imagine the issues of language barriers until you experience it. Try deviating from any norm when ordering anything simple, like a coffee (no skim milk lattes for me). Ordering takeout takes as much energy as running a marathon, and there’s a good chance it will still be screwed up. Wondering if a particular item in a store is available in a different color. A wrong number on the cell phone. Getting directions. Answering the door. Correcting a mistake on a restaurant tab. Meaghan trying to explain to a dermatologist what ails her. Communication is something we take for granted until it’s snatched away. It’s a curious sensation of being lost and segregated from a great deal of people. I tend to say less, put up with more, and have lower expectations. I’m sure it’s just as frustrating for them as us. I have a new appreciation for immigrants, specifically my grandparents who came from Holland in their 20’s.

The blog has been a trifle boring and I’m sure you’re tired of pictures of us, but Beijing should spruce things up a bit.

Picture Time

Finally I have selected and posted a few pictures. Because I had to resize them all and the blog formatting is off, I only included a few for each post (we have tons). They are sprinkled throughout all the blogs, so you'll have to scroll down through the old ones, including the ones on the "older posts" page.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas in Korea is definitely different, but we're making some great memories here.

Christmas Eve was spent with a pile of Meaghan and Kevin's friends in a large apartment overlooking the sea. We started the festivities early in the evening and had one giant sleepover. Some highlights included ridiculous dancing to Transiberian Orchestra "skid-licious" Christmas music, and singing to Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You", R&B version. We ate chocolate, introduced Koreans to homeade egg nog, played games and wore Reindeer antlers and Santa hats. It was a beautiful night and Kevin and I went for a motorcycle ride. He let me drive it for a bit. It was my favorite part, especially running all the red lights.


The Esser family tradition dictates that puzzles must be done around Christmas time. Our wonderful mother sent a suitcase full of presents for us, and a quick shake of all of them indicated a puzzle. It was addressed to me and we opened this one only on Christmas Eve. I squealed with delight when I saw the handsome face of Jack Sparrow staring at me with that half crazed pirate look I love, ony because it's Johnny Depp giving it. There was a complimentary poster that came with, but being the wonderful sister I am, and noting the bare walls in Meaghan's apartment, I not only gave it to her, but taped it on the ceiling above her side of the bed. What a giving sister I am.

This morning we opened presents with our friends here, Kevin's making us all omelets, and after that my sisters and Kevin and I will go back to do our own Christmas. A nap will be in order and then we're going to an Indian restaurant for dinner. Who says you have to eat turkey on Christmas?

The past few days have been filled with excitement and activity. We went to a club and loved the attention as we were the only foreigners in the whole place, enjoyed free drinks and Korean food by crashing Meaghan's staff Christmas party, and have been very silly and giddy, as only sisters can be. We went to the fish market where I bought a live octopus to eat. Unfortunately the language barrier was too much, and they wouldn't cut it for me (the tentacles still move when you cut it). By the time we tried to communicate with the 3rd Korea to explain that yes, this white girl wanted to eat it, the octopus was half dead and we had to throw it in the garbage. Lynae felt bad for the octopus. I still want to try to eat him.

Merry Christmas!